on silly social contracts
Can't believe it's been a month since last post. Time is flying and I've been busy. No excuses though.
I've recently become a huge fan of silly social contracts as ways to help with behavior change. Some examples of social contracts I have:
- With my wife: If I have sweets more than 2x (something as little as a square of chocolate) per week I have to do all the dishes in the house for the following week. This one has been 12/10 hard for me. Especially because there is left overs of my favorite dessert my wife makes for my birthday in the freezer. I really want some. Maybe tonight!
- With my buddy: If I ever get visibly or audibly upset at myself on the tennis court (defined as yelling, hitting ball in frustration, hitting racket against ground). I have to take him out to a nice dinner
- With myself: If I don't do mobility for at least 5 minutes a day I lose a dessert for that week. And it can roll over for week(s).
They really work. Almost immediately I've had a lighter mood on the tennis court. And it hasn't compromised my psychotic competitiveness. With dessert, I savor every last bite of my 2x/wk. With mobility the sessions end up being > 5 min & i'll never skip a day because I love dessert.
The silly little social stakes are awesome. Before if I told myself I’m going to do mob every day, and I skip a day? Whatever, I’ll get on the horse tomorrow. But now it means I lose 1 of my 2 desserts? Or worse, that I have to text my buddy and say, “Yeah, I lost it on court again”? That would suck.
I thing this has done a great job of creating just enough friction. Turning a thing I want to change about myself into a game I’m playing with myself and others. A game that’s fun enough to play and plenty annoying enough to work. The stakes are in a perfect middle between not being overly consequential when I inevitably mess up but just enough that I try not to.
Also, something weirdly motivating about keeping a stupid promise. It builds a kind of quiet momentum. I love the idea of being the guy who always does what he says, and this is a great way to practice.